Noted NY Post Columnist & Anti-Reform Golem, Betsy McCaughey GOES THERE

Joy! Today I received an email message, personally signed and sent by none other than Betsy "Batshit" McCaughey! She of "Kill Granny" fame. I dusted off my "Palin/McCaughey 2012" trucker hat (is there any other kind?), tucked my ponytail through the opening in the back for such things, and clicked up on it.

WOW BETS! Under the auspices of "Defend Your Healthcare," the infamous pretend-we're-not-an-insurance-industry lobbyist-front group, Ol' Bets detailed much, much, more than the usual batshit fiction which she will employ to derail health care reform. MUCH MORE!  This time Betsy-- a veritable Old Faithful of corporatized bullshit--done gone even more fartherer!

How far is too far for a narscisstic golem like Betsy McCaughey? HOW ABOUT IF YOU ARE IN A WHEELCHAIR = YOU ARE A CLUNKER?!?

Oh, yes. She. Did.

Well, here it is:

We need medical care to avoid becoming clunkers -- disabled, worn out, parked in wheelchairs or nursing homes. 

(emphasis mine)

Betsy! You have really outdone yourself! Labeling the disabled and wheelchair-users as "clunkers"...Then! she sees her own doozy and raises it a twenty by afterwards feebly trying a reach-around to pin her special sauce on President Obama! (Because it wouldn't be a Betsy column if Barry wasn't somehow trying to SWALLOW GRANDMA WHOLE, islamically.)

Christ! Cigna must be cutting some sweet checks for this!

Now we all know that the tabloid-tastic New York Post is where a writer goes to publish something so off-the-mark that no one else (not even the Wall Street Journal, apparently) will publish it. (Andrea Peyser's classic column where she not only claimed (with a very straight face) that people in Harlem "came out for" Hillary Clinton in the 2008 Democratic primaries but managed to slip in a "faithful to my race" comment and called Obama's Hope mantra "empty" without any citation or evidence other than the voices in her head saying so, comes to mind.) Only in New York, as the saying goes.

It only took  a whole 10 seconds before the 4 trillion plus Glenn Beck 9/12-ers who marched on the capitol latched onto it as secular gospel. The tree of insanity must be watered from time to time with the lies of Betsy McCaughey and the grease of the New York Post!
 

I wondered when Betsy would re-emerge from the sludge of the Gowanus Canal with a fresh and exciting new tale to tell. (I tried to warn the superfund scientists to wait until after the health care debate was over to dredge for soil samples!)  One bright ray of hope--I think we have finally reached Peak Betsy.

An Open Letter to Health Insurance Reform Lie-Bot, Dr. Betsy McCaughey

Hello Betsy! (For those of you just tuning in-- Betsy McCaughey is the 90's anti-reform cougar who has emerged from her pupa yet again to prevent progressive health care reform from getting people care in places other than the emergency rooms)

First off, tremendous job debating Rep. Weiner in NYC and various others of late. If only they had read the bill! I think the provisions you have been exposing, like the concession to GOP leader John Boehner for a program to install "vitamin D solar treatment lamps" in the congressional cafeterias, demonstrate an across the aisle breakdown in advocating for the real public interest.

Without someone like you advocating for our side, we may have risked these bills somehow passing!

But I bring good tidings! Upon analysis, I think that within the specific intersection of your two bodies of work, namely (a) the Committee to Reduce Infection Deaths and  (b) blocking any and all health care reform by any means necessary whatsoever, you will find that your aim of reducing infection deaths has already been very much achieved.

For example, we acknowledge all of the working-class Americans who so patriotically avoid medical treatment so that the rest of us more fortunate do not have to suffer the annoyance of longer waits to see the finite number of physicians; if these people actually *did* visit hospitals and doctors with regularity, hospital-caused infection deaths would increase, just by virtue of the increase in users of the system.

So for that, we can thank those patriotic citizens who forgo treatment, and you as well, Betsy. You seem to have achieved your goals.

How about, instead of reforming the system to stop bankruptcies and foreclosures and denial of liver of transplants for teenage girls, let's show our support the same way we support our troops --let's wear some fucking ribbons! Number #1!

If only Philip Morris were funding RID, surely you would have been awarded a bonus big enough with which to finally Go Galt.

Across the Pond To Congratulate Betsy McCaughey, Diva of Death Panels

The Brits over at The Economist (the magazine everyone who is anyone pretends to read) are apparently bereft of CNN, and therefore did not realize what Sunlight + The First Half of October have done to Infamous Death Panel Diva, Betsy McCaughey's famous "OBAMA WILL SWALLOW YOUR GRANDMA WHOLE" argument. So, seeking an expert to help them understand what the hell is wrong with Americans they invited McCaughey to advocate (lie) against healthcare reform with luminaries such as Mr. Rogers (of Mr. Rogers' neighborhood), Guy With Huge Face, and Newt Gingrich.

She Anglicized her "programs" to "programmes" and "Death Panels" to "Oy- They'se gonna kill your Gran-ny" beautifully. Several members of the public did pose questions and comments for bloody ol' Batsy who responded by flapping her wings and heading back to her cave deep in the Earth's molten parts to work on her next Wall Street Journal column. Here are some excerpts:

Dear Sir,

My question is directed at Mrs. Betsy McCaughey.

Mrs. McCaughey,

I have appreciated your diligent work reading the entire bill and doing your best to translate it to plain English.

I am so very troubled with the provisions you have highlighted on your twitter account (@REALMcCaughey) namely;

The sections of the bill wherein it is laid out that President Obama will swallow our nation's grandmothers whole;

The section of the bill where funding for seniors' diabetic care is slashed in favor of funding the Catholic advocacy group NAMBLA; and

The section where H1N1 flu vaccines will now be administered by ACORN; as well as

The provisions for compulsory gay marriage in order to receive medical treatment.

How can we, as active, informed citizens, take a stand since it seems the GOP is now siding "with history" and backing the Demoncrats health reforms?

I award Dr. Betsy five Spotted Dicks for a rather thorough analysis of an impressively large stack of randomized papers and stunning acrobatics with the doggone truth. (No, not the spotted dicks blokes get after a week in Miami and no antibiotics, the british dessert! )

The REAL McCaughey: Champagne Wishes and Medicare Dreams!

Dr. Beasty is twatting, y'all.

Yes, Dr. betsy McCaughey, terrible shill who tanked ClintonCare in the 1990's is back in action.  Probably to drum up business for whenever the healthcare reform debate is over. Tobacco Industry? Check. Amorphous, behind the scenes health insurance interests? Done, and done. What's left?

I can picture Ol' Bets...hanging upside-down in her cave at night. Pondering, plotting, whispering softly to herself in a raspy murmur, "Where else could maximum fuckery still be rained down on the American people?"

Let's see....Defense? I bet those blokes at the F-22 Raptor company would write some serious checks!

Nah-- too late on that one. Being a secret operative for a defense conglomerate is a bit cliche for Beasty. Besides, incorporating "Americans to Reduce Bombing All Over You" just seems too obvious at this point. (And would probably not pay $160k per year anyway.)


Maybe she could advocate for the financial services industry...That means she needs to hurry up an set up an astroturfy advocacy group for foreclosed inner-city grandmothers or something (If there are even any left after Obamacare hitler-bots synthesize them and turn them into a nutritious protein source. We'll see.)

How about the food industry? She can sneak around, sneezing on salad bars at Wendy's and tearing down the "Employees must wash hands before returning to work" signs and whatnot, and then form some "Committee For Protecting American Salads" for cover.

I don't give a damn how you do it. SOMEBODY just buy her off of this fucking healthcare thing so my pre-existing'd Mom can get on some Public Plan already.

For sure someone out there is looking to rent a gently-used shill? Her twitter says she can "crush legislation between her powerful thighs!"

And she has her own column in the Wall Street Journal. I the back, right next to the mail-order brides, sucky-sucky, and sea-monkey adverts.

So get out your checkbooks, boys. I think Philip Morris set the pay scale pretty high for Ol' Beasty. Champagne wishes and Medicare dreams!

Let's send her off to go squeeze the bread too hard at the Safeway or something.

Vote in the Survey @ DailyKos

DL21c and Young Invincibles Under Fire for Refusing My Questions

First health reform scare-golem Betsy Mccaughey came for Hillarycare, and I said nothing, because I was like ten years old or something. Then she came for Barry Hussein-care, and decided that I would find the answer to the burning question of our time: Who Is Renting Betsy McCaughey? (Um, also, my Mom is now uninsured, pre-existing condition'd, after being fired from her job at a public-traded company for using her insurance benefits for an injury. Yep. We're #1! We're #1! WOOOOO! FREEDOMJESUS USA!!!)

I submitted my questions ahead of time, as asked.

Yet neither the DL21c nor the Young Invincibles had the sackular fortitude to pose even one of my questions to our flaxen-haired guest, Betsy McCaughey. (Many still do not know that Betsy was not born in PA, but was actually formed in a laboratory--in a manner not unlike that of Frankenstain-- from a fuzzy mole Phyllis Schlafly had removed from her armpit after WWII.)

I smell a conspiracy.

I smell a socialism.

Read the questions that *nobody* is asking. Except NSFF. Stay tuned.

And By "Lincoln-Douglas Style Debate" They Mean "Wingnuts Will Be Frisked for Weapons at the Door"

Friends, Space-Muslims, and Countrymen:

Tonight I will alight upon the not-a-townhall healthcare debate thing put on by the DL21c and Young Invincibles in NYC. Noted performance artiste Betsy McCaughey, author of No Exit: Obama Will Swallow Grandma Whole, will be there to play Alan Colmes to Rep. Anthony Weiner's Sean Hannity. Or maybe Roy to Weiner's Seigfreid. I will report, you will decide.

I have submitted a few questions for Bets myself via the event webpage:

Q:

In 1994, Philip Morris tobacco covertly paid you to pen a fantasy trilogy in the literary style of H.P Lovecraft entitled, “No Exit: A Gay Abortions Story”, which is widely credited with stopping the Clinton reforms that could have saved hundreds of thousands of American lives.

How many ghosts of people who were denied care do you see at night when you turn off the lights?

A) I thought they were imaginary friends

B) Many. Never the same ones twice, though

C) None, Rushbo has the best hookup for “Ambien" from "Thailand"

Q:

Folks like Jayson Blair and Stephen Glass have been liberated to pursue fulfilling new careers in fields different from writing for newspapers, but your similar cries for help in the form of entertaining op-eds where outdated or wholly invented "facts" are paraded out like bloody sheets after a tribal muslim wedding, continue to be championed as real and true by the flying monkeys of the corporate right. Are you

A) Boiling with jealousy over the intervention Jayson and Stephen got

B) Just a little envious that someone cared enough about them to fact-check their work or

C) SOMEBODY PLEASE STOP ME WHY DON’T YOU LISTEN PLEASE THESE UNBELIEVEABLE, WHOLLY FABRICATED RANTS AGAINST MIDDLE-CLASS PEOPLE BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY GO TO THE FREAKIN’ DOCTOR ARE A CRY FOR HELP CHRIST, EVEN ORLY TAITZ WOULD HAVE BEEN SANCTIONED BY NOW STTTTTOOOOOPPPPP MMMMEEEEEEEE PLEEEEEASE

Q:

Because blogging and internet commentary in general were not around in 1994 to swiftly expose your tobacco-sponsored right wing fan-fiction, and you were able to somehow wrest a lucrative career from the arms of the bloated corpse of truth, are you

A) Grateful-there really was only talk-radio back then

B) Relieved, just made it through before Youtube!

C) Wikipedia is a vast left-wing conspiracy

Q:

Since the evidence strongly suggests that you are at best corrupt and soul-less, and at worst a disturbed homonculus formed by Satan himself from his own feces in the 10th circle of Dante’s Inferno, some have claimed that the “patient advocating” you do is not really about advocating for actual live human patients at all, but about creating a title more sound-bite friendly than “unregistered lobbyist for the health insurance industry" in a manner similar to Bush gutting protection for forests under a bill entitled, "Healthy Forests Initiative"

So, exactly how retarded do we have to be to consider you an advocate for anything other than the need to introduce punitive asylums for the politically insane?

A) Corky-level

B) Full Palin (Sarah, of course! How terrible of you!)

C) Just a touch of Aspergers

Q:

Betsy, I am very relieved that since Orly Taitz has been stripped of her law license she has found a satisfying new career as a hair stylist. Your ‘do looks terrific and I must say “Chernobyl-Blonde” really suits your skin type. (I am a “winter” as well!) Could you give me her number? My roots are crying out for some attention!

Q:

Dear Bets--LOVE your TV appearances. I am a HUGE fan. I know that the Wall Street Journal allows you to submit your hilarious op-eds after you’ve scrawled them in purple crayon on the walls of your “chalet” (as the orderlies call it! Isn’t that sweet of them) My question is this: Isn’t it expensive for Bellvue to keep replacing sections of the padding material on the wall just so you can submit your column every week? You must have EXCELLENT insurance to cover all that!

Q:

Is “cancer” you? What evidence do you have that you are an actual person with a potential for sentience and not a greedy, malignant mass on the unsuspecting lymph node of progress?

A) I have an running spot in the Wall Street Journal. Ok, I guess I have no evidence!

B) Hey- how many parasitic growths have been on the Daily Show?

C) In what sense, Charlie?

LAST ONE, I PROMISE:

You have been called the Sarah Palin of the 90's, in the sense that you emerged through what is now recognized as the standard operating procedure for debuting republican "ideas": an alternating current of thrilling/terrifying-- all fireworks, jazz hands, and Neiman Marcus businesswear-- eventually crashing back down to the "reality plane," where the rest of us live.

My question is: If Sarah Palin is also totes for Death Panels and you are both in the same room at the same time, does that room become like a particle collider of matter and some kind of nazi-socialist anti-matter that will cause a black hole and end the world? And is Bill Kristol like totally the Dr. Evil is this equation? I ask cuz I noticed that you and Sarah are never photographed together in the same place...

Your thoughts?

Palin Punk'd? And NSFF Stumped...

The Business Insider reports this morn' that Pro-America American and Arctic Jabberwocky, Sarah Palin, has been used! Callously used, yet again!

But this time is different! Apparently, some "Asian" investment conference (must be the Muslin Uighurs!) has booked Mrs. Moose herself to come speak about investments(!?) Get This: BUT THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T MEAN IT!

Before y'all bombard me with comments, imploring me to layoff the ol' gal, I swear to Gog and Magog -- barring any thrilling horrorshow scenario wherein she gives birth on stage at the 2012 RNC..... this is absolutely the last post about Our Lady of Perpetual Pregnancy.

Everyone who walks upright knows the best comedy involves a serious subject, in order to have a fulcrum on which to tilt into satire and/or absurdity. Yet, like a moth to the flame, again I rest my quill on the Runners' World-caliber haunches of America's Great White Hope, Sarah Palin. The only people who take her seriously are the ones buying petcare services for after the rapture. (I actually feel approximately 50% less smart for not being the one who came up with that idea.)

My fulcrum here is the mere fact that the bible fundamentalists put down the speaking in tongues long enough to somehow elect this woman, who by all measures would be stockin' the mooseburgers display at the Shop n'Save were she, a he. Reverse sexism, huzzah!

I know what she'll say: "Hello, Oriental people. Buy shares of Neiman Marcus. There's an election coming up. Amen."